A friend of mine told me recently that for a blog to be read, it had to contain certain elements. "It has to be short," he said. "250 words or less." OK, check. Most of my entries fall into that sphere. "You need to have fresh entries often - at least once a week." OK, check. I'm living up to that standard. "Also," he said, "the blog writing has to be provocative."
Reading over what I've written so far, I'd say I'm about as far from provocative as possible. More like vanilla. And not in the good vanilla-milkshake-from-Dairy-Queen sort of way, but more like the metaphor-of-blah-vanilla.
Well, let's see, provocative... I could declare that the St. Louis Cardinals are the best team in baseball. But then again, that's more territorial than provocative (Cubs fans unite!). I could share my biblical sympathies with traditional conservative no-no's like God's openness or evolutionary theories, but then again that seems more theological than provocative.
Provocative journalism seems to center on marital affairs and divorces and "coming out of the closet," but the only time I come out of the closet is after I've retreived a pair of jeans or a polo shirt. Not very provocative.
I could quote a Jerry Seinfeld saying I saw the other day. He said, "Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur."
There, I said the "s" word. Surely that will ruffle some feathers. Then again, in our sex-saturated society, no one may even bat an eyelid.
It turns out I'm about as provocative as milk.
So now, let me close my staggeringly mollifying post - now over 250 words - so that you (dear reader) can pick up a National Enquirer and read something that stirs your blood. Perhaps tomorrow, I can stand in the long line of provocative preachers and say something as shocking as "Jesus is Lord." In the meantime, I'm going to pick on my kids.